Seeking Validation

Over the past few weeks I've been struggling with this whole concept of "validation."  Often during our childhood and teenage years we look for confirmation from so many different things--friends, sports, clubs, family, academics.  As adults we are supposed to "out grow" these feelings or needs of validation, right?  I mean, at least the STRONG desires for validation, right?  Or...do our desires of validity simply switch to other, more grown -up things?


Why do we feel the need to be validated anyway?  Why are we created in this manner? Do all of us, regardless of age, struggle with this, or is it just me?  I feel so childish having these feelings and questions at the age of 35.  I mean, we seek to perform well in our jobs and activities; we all look for those "atta boys" and "atta girls," and we all like to here "job well done."  How many of us DON'T enjoy those pats on the back and words of affirmation from colleagues, bosses, family members, friends, and even STRANGERS?  But how many of us ACTIVELY SEEK validation from these people and things?  Surely I am not the only one...


I often think that I am being hypocritical because I tell my kids not to worry about what others think of them, yet I do the COMPLETE opposite of what I teach them.  Why is it so hard to "practice what we preach" to our kids?  We are supposed to be examples for them!  The Father has charged us with teaching our children to trust solely in HIM and to seek validation strictly from HIM, and we are to do the same...but it's SO...STINKIN'...HAAAAARRRRRRD!


When I was in college a few (x 5) years ago I read this verse in Colossians that I felt was perfect for that particular time in my life.  The verse goes something like this..."For you are complete in Him, the head of all principality and power." (Col 2:10 KJV)  At that time the verse was a reminder that I didn't need a significant other to make me complete; all I needed was HIM.  These days the verse takes on a completely different meaning for me as I'm struggling with this validation thing.  I tend to exchange the word "complete" with "validated" (Shhhh! Don't tell my Father-in-Law.) and rest in this truth.


Colossians 3:23-24 (KJV) reminds us "whatsoever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord you shall receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ."  I tell my kids this quite frequently; I remind myself of this not as frequently. But regardless of what I'm doing it should be for the Lord and not for man.

                                                    

I've learned that seeking validation from The Father requires me to be quiet.  For those of you who know me, this is rather difficult!  I am NOT a quiet person; I like, no LOVE, to talk; I'm a teacher by profession. And in order for me to learn to seek validation solely from Christ I have to be quiet...THIS IS HYSTERICAL!!! And another post for another day......

Baby Blessings

Our family trusts that everything happens for a specific purpose.  In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told "for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..." There's even that famous song by The Byrds that echoes this same idea ~ "To everything--turn, turn, turn; There is a season--turn, turn, turn; And a time to every purpose under heaven."

Over the past few months my "Mama heart" has been on a roller-coaster of sorts with all of these "seasons of life" and "matters under heaven." Lives flourishing, families taking root, little ones fighting so hard to be brave until the very end.  Even within my own little extended family we have had some CRA-Z "matters under heaven" that have made me question God's reasoning, cry for understanding, rejoice for new life, and laugh because His timing is definitely not ours.

As an older sister, I feel that it is my DUTY to take care of my "little sis" and tell her EVERYTHING I know.  I even like to tell her stuff that I know will make her squeamish just so I can watch her facial expressions. I derive much joy from watching "little sis" get grossed out! Here lately she's been asking a few questions that could result in REALLY GROSS answers ~ she's asking birthing questions. Hahaha!!!!  As a first time mom, "little sis" is nervous and excited.  She is anxious and at times overwhelmed.  She's got a lot on her mind and is trying to adjust to many new situations...new job, new home, new family...yep, right now for her is SUPER CRA-Z-Z (yea, that's a double 'Z' at the end to signify the intensity of the situation).  As a "fixer," I want to just get everything taken care of for her.  I want to make my lists, get everything in order, plan her LIFE, and tell her EXACTLY what to do because I obviously know the answers to everything since I've had 4 crazies and "little sis" is just now working on her first! Bahahahaha!! POSH! I don't know jack, and I simply pray each day that I haven't messed up my own kids that God has given me to shepherd.  Relinquishing control is really hard to do ~ ~ and so is keeping my mouth shut when advice has not been asked of me.  I simply want everything to be perfect for "little sis."

"Little Sis," "Big Papa," and "Baby Laird"

                                               
A few posts back (two to be exact) I made mention of my sweet "little" sister-in-law that is moving to Africa in a few weeks.  She's expecting a baby too!!  I'm SO excited about being an aunt two times in one year, but again I want to meddle.  At least for "little sis-in-law" this isn't her first go round (it's actually her 4th), so she's pretty well seasoned with this whole parenting thing.  But I mean...A-F-R-I-C-A!!  She's actually going to be having a baby...IN...AFRICA!  Like the jungle, next to giraffes and lions and hyenas and zebras and cheetahs and stuff...Ok, so not really with all of those animals; "little sis-in-law" will have great medical care thanks to the IMB (International Mission Board) but still...it's AFRICA!! Selfishly I think about not being able to hold or squish or kiss or sniff THIS little blessing for a couple of years!!

"Sweet Sis-in-Law," "Spectacular Bro-in-Law," "Sweet Baby Biscuit,"
and a Hello Kitty band-aid.

                                           
Again, I question God's timing and wonder "Why?" but trust completely in HIS perfect plan. Thankful that I am not responsible for making the big important decisions, I rest comfortably in these lyrics by Owl City..."from life's first cry, to final breath; Jesus commands my destiny."

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what was planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8